Tuesday, June 30, 2009

3 hrs short of 6 weeks.

First off - thank you for all of your concern, encouragement, thoughts and opinions on my last blog. I have my good days and bad days (nights I sleep and nights I don't) and that was obviously one of my not-so-good days. The fact is that I have a very clingy baby, and it's hard to see the end in sight, as far as that goes. She seems to be getting slightly better on some days, and on others I can't put her down for the life of me. I guess I just didn't know babies could be as clingy as she is most of the time. And it's hard when I'm home with her all day by myself. I thought I'd be able to put her down for naps and get things done around the house or sleep. And I was anticipating having to sleep WITH her when people said "Sleep when your baby sleeps." I've talked to quite a few people and read in books that around 6 weeks is when they're hormones change a little and their brain matures more which enables them to sleep for longer stretches at a time. I'm hoping that's the case for her, and also that she can sleep for longer stretches BY HERSELF. When I bring her to bed with me, I try to just lay her next to me, not touching me to see if she'll sleep on her own, but the majority of the time, she needs to be up against me before she'll stop crying. *sighs*

On another note, last week she got a pretty darn bad case of baby acne. It seems to be getting some better but she still has it.

This is going to be cut short since she's cry again. I've fed her at 8pm, 9pm, Mark gave her a 2 oz bottle at 10pm and now it's 11:15pm and she's screaming. We might be in for another fun night... Yay.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Not what I bargained for...

I love being a mom, I really do, but this is a lot harder than I was anticipating. I didn't expect to have a super clingy baby and I didn't expect Mark to be so busy he didn't really have time to help me. This is rough.

I knew that a baby would be time consuming, but I guess I thought that I'd be able to put her down for naps during the day. That isn't really happening at this point. I either have to hold her or wear her. If I'm not touching her in some way she WILL NOT sleep. Today I nursed her a little bit and she fell asleep on me so I put her in her swing and watched her for a little bit. She kinda moved around and made a few small noises and then it looked like she was asleep. So I looked at the clock and thought, okay, we'll see how long this lasts. It literally wasn't even 2 minutes before she was screaming. So I got her out of the swing and she was fine. Now I'm wearing her in a Moby wrap and she's completely zonked out. I have to wear her every night in order to make dinner because she cries if I sit her in the bouncer or swing, even if she can see me. I have no clue how to remedy this and I'm getting very tired. I love holding her and snuggling with her, but not ALL. DAY. LONG. I need some "me" time and I'm just not getting any. I have hopes that when Mark gets home maybe he can take her off my hands for a while so I can just have some space to breathe, but no such luck. He's so stressed out with training and studying that he doesn't really have time to spend with her. He's fine if she's dead asleep on him, but as soon as she gets fussy, I have to take over because he gets frustrated that he's not able to study. So I either deal with her fussiness then, or he gets her to sleep, and then she doesn't sleep at night so I deal with her fussiness all night. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I can do to fix it, short of letting her just cry. Just sitting here typing this gets me upset because I'm exhausted and I feel like I'm going at this alone instead of Mark and I dealing with it as a team. Last night we went to bed around 11:30pm and I was up with her from 1am to 2:30am because she wouldn't go back to sleep, and then I was up around 3:30am because she was fussy, and then I fed her again at 4:30am until around 5:15am and then she was fussy again around 6am and then again around 7:15am, at which point I finally laid her on Mark's side of the bed (he had left for work) and we slept until about 8:15am and then I got up for good and to feed her. We're going on 5 and a half weeks of this and I'm reaching my limit pretty quickly. Yesterday I weed wacked our entire back yard because the stupid lawn mower doesn't work and Mark doesn't have time to fix it and I have no clue how to fix it, and our grass was almost a foot high. So I strapped Abbie on in the Mei Tai and weed wacked the yard and then raked it. My forearms hurt so bad last night I could barely pick Abbie up. I have a feeling that by giving in to all of her crying that I'm enabling her to become even more clingy instead of her learning to be a little independant, but I have a hard time letting her cry. I keep saying "tomorrow I'll get her to take a nap in her crib", but then I don't. I can't even get her to nap in her swing or bouncer, let alone upstairs in her room by herself. But maybe that's what she needs. I'm reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (given to us by Mark's aunt) and it keeps saying things should be better by the time she's 3 months old.... That's 7 weeks from now. There is no way I can deal with it being like this for almost 2 more months. Something has to change between now and then, but I have no clue what to change or even how to change whatever needs to be changed. This book says that lack of sleep in mom's causes depression and causes marital turmoil, and I can understand why. I just wish Mark could get up with her once or twice a week when she's fussy, but he can't since his damn job is so demanding. Sometimes I really wish he had a normal job and we could live a normal lifestyle. It's to the point where I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I hear her make a noise at night because I know it's not going to be long before she's crying hard and I have to get up with her. I don't know if there's any point in trying to get her to sleep on her own this week since we leave for IL in a week and her schedule is going to be ALL messed up there. Oh wait. She doesn't have a schedule yet... But either way, she'll be sleeping in the room with us again while we're there and there's a 2 hour time difference so I'm just not sure it's even worth it.

I look down at her as I type this, and I love that she's so little and sweet (when she's sleeping). I know I'm going to miss her being this size and I know she's going to be going to college before I know it, I just wish I was enjoying this stage a little more than I am and I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying it as much as I think I should be....

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

3 years already??

I cannot believe Mark and I have been married for 3 years already, let alone have a beautiful baby to show for it. Time truly has flown by, but the years just keep getting better. (And the first year was great to begin with!) I'm excited about the many years to come, and I am so lucky that I am married to my best friend. Mark got me a new blender for our anniversary, which I'm pretty excited about. I didn't get him anything but a card, and I feel bad about that, but he's very hard to shop for. He doesn't want/need/use much, and anything he would want/need/ use is pretty expensive and most likely he'd want to pick it out anyway since it'd probably be some sort of electronics, so I didn't even bother. He doesn't really need any clothes, I ALWAYS get him books, so I didn't want to do that this time, CD's are a waste of money since iTunes is better, he doesn't have any freetime to do any sort of hobbies, etc.

Something that's been on my mind a lot this week - one of my good friends went back to work on Monday, after her maternity leave was up. She's really upset about it and is having a hard time dealing with it because she just wants to stay home with her daughter, which is understandable. My heart just goes out to her because I couldn't imagine putting Abbie in daycare at this point. I wasn't sure how I'd deal with being a stay at home mom, and I guess the verdict still isn't completely out on that since it's only been (almost) 5 weeks. But I am SO thankful that Mark makes enough money for me to be able to stay home with our baby, and also that he wants me to stay home with her. He's always said that he'd like for me to stay home with our kids, at least until they're in school. We feel that it'll benefit our kids in the long run, especially since his job is so "unstable" - meaning we move a bunch and he works long hours when he's home, and there will be times when he's gone for long periods of time. We think it'll be better if our kids have the stability of me being home with them and available to them, since Mark won't be as accessible at times. We'll see how much I like staying home with her 5 months from now though...

Last night Abbie gave me a run for my money again. Mark gave her an ounce and a half of formula last night and then snuggled with her the rest of the night, and she slept on him. Big mistake. Since she'd slept from like 6pm to 10pm, she had absolutely no interest in going to sleep when we wanted to. Every time I'd put her in her bed, she's be crying within 10 mins. I dealt with it until about 3am and finally said screw it, and brought her to bed with us. Then she slept fine until 6am. Mark got up at 6am and I asked him to change her before he got in the shower. He takes her into the bathroom and about 30 secs later I hear her fart (or so I thought) and then Mark say "Oh... My... God..." So I kinda laugh because I figured she'd probably pooped on him. Ha! That's an understatement. She shot poop 3 feet across the bathroom counter. It was everywhere. I should have taken a picture, but I didn't. Maybe next time. =) Oh, and Mark seems to be doing a lot better now that he's feeding her sometimes. I think he really enjoys being able to provide for her like that and I think it's important for their bonding experience. I was pumping while he was feeding her last night and I got an ounce and a half out! That's the most I've pumped yet! I was pretty excited.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Already a month old!

I really can't believe Abbie is already an entire month old! Where has the time gone? She's definitely changed a lot in the past month, even if she hasn't gained much weight. She's awake more now, and she's much more alert when she is awake. We can wave things infront of her face and she'll follow it with her eyes. She makes eye contact with you for a little bit also. I think she might be going through a growth spurt now because she wants to eat ALL the time. Mark's family was here for the past 4 days, so she got held a LOT and I think I'm paying the price now. She doesn't want me to put her down at all. She was getting a little better about it for a while, where I could put her down for 15mins or so and get at least a few things done. Now the moment she's not touching me she screams. My hopes of taking a shower today were quickly put to the wayside so I went grocery shopping without taking a shower. It'll have to wait until Mark gets home. On Friday, she teased me because she slept from 11:15pm to about 4:30am. I wasn't holding my breath that it would be permanent and it's a good thing since she hasn't done it since. We started giving her an ounce or two of formula a day. I nurse her for a half hour or so and if she's still hungry Mark gives her a little bottle. At this point, I think it's more important for him than it is for her. I don't like it when he feels like he can't do anything for her and he really enjoys giving her a bottle, even if it is very small. I've been trying to pump, but I can barely pump more than an ounce out of both boobs at a time. I don't really want to spend more money on an electric pump, since the only reason I pump is so he can feed her.

Still not as long as the weina dogs.

My sweet baby.

One month old!

Nose to nose with the weina

Ollie is never far away from her.

I love this picture of them.

White Tank Mtns with Phoenix in the background.

Proof that we live in Phoenix!

Cutie patootie

Friday, June 19, 2009

Abbie's first bath.

I'm a little late in posting this, but things have been kinda hectic around here lately. Here are some pictures from her first "real" bath. She LOVES baths.

She always curls her feet around the edges of the hammock.

She seems to really enjoy the water being poured on her.

Our cute blueberry.

Getting her hair washed.

All done.

Her Elvis impersonation.

This is why I think she's going to have curly hair. Her hair is really curly right after her baths.

Before we put her in the tub, I was trying to fill it up with water so she'd be partially submerged in it when we put her in. But I decided it was going to take too long to fill the whole thing up with a cup, so we decided to put her in it. I told Mark to hang on a second while I went to get her towel and wash cloth out of the hall closet and I told him not to put her in the hammock bc it was cold since I'd gotten it wet trying to fill up her tub. Apparently he didn't hear me or didn't listen bc I got out into the hall and Abbie let out this blood-curdling scream. Haha! She just screamed once and then she was fine, but I know it was bc the cold hammock surprised her and probably wasn't her most favorite thing in the world. But she really enjoyed the rest of her bath, despite the rough start.
I can't believe she's going to be a month old tomorrow... She's going to be 18 before I know it. I'm loving every minute of being a mom (except for maybe getting up every hour with her last night... that wasn't my idea of fun, but oh well.)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A day of firsts

Today was the first time Mark flew the F-16 solo. He was pretty darn excited about being in a jet that only has one seat, which is a first for him. He flew the T-38 solo also, but the T-38 had room for an IP in the back. But this F-16 was a single seater, so he was all by his lonesome, and he had a great time. The first thing he said when he got down was "I fly better when there isn't someone in the back" and the first thing his IP said to him when we walked over to him was "You fly better when you're in there by yourself."

Here is Mark and his IP running the jets up before takeoff. Mark's in the one on the left.

Mark taxiing out to the runway

Mark and his IP at the end of the runway. Mark's on the right.

Mark taking off. (I'm surprised I actually got this picture bc the whole time I was at the end of the runway I was crying... Not sure why, but I was, and by this point I couldn't even see through my tears.. (= )

Mark taking off and the ground crew watching

Mark's plane is the one in the air.

Mark and his IP flying through the pattern.

Mark pulling in to the parking spot after he landed.

My hot F-16 pilot!

We have a picture almost identical to this, except it's in the T-38

I'm so proud of him.

Him in his G-suit.

He's officially a captain now! Changing the sign on his locker.

Seeing Mark fly these jets is kind of surreal to me. Logically, I know that he's a pilot and that he flies fighters for a living, but I guess in my mind I think that he goes and sits behind a desk when he goes to work. I always assume it's someone else flying them when I see (and hear) them flying around, not my husband. He has a pretty cool job and I'm so proud of him.
The other first was that I left Abbie for the first time. I left her with my friend Julia, who's husband is also in Mark's class, for about an hour and a half. I was nervous about it the night before, but today I was fine when I was leaving her. It went better than expected.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Mark's promotion

Mark was officially a captain as of June 10th, which means he's been in the Air Force for 4 years. It's hard to believe it's already been that long. He's having new rank sewn on all of his uniforms. Someday hopefully I'll be good enough with a sewing machine to do that for him, but by then he'll probably be out of the military. He has his first solo flight in the F-16 on Tuesday. I'm going to try to go take pictures of him, but we're not sure what to do with Abbie since she can't be that close to the jets since we don't have ear protection for her. We'll figure something out.

Here are Abbie's 3 week old pictures

Chillin with mom last night

Here's what she does when we give her her vitamins. Mark always gives them to her and she's looking at him in most of the pictures.

Taking a nap with Daddy

Cute as a bug's ear!

We think this outfit is adorable on her! Look at those little capri's!

She's a stretching machine - this is how she stretches

I look really frumpy in this picture, but she looks cute so I added it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

3 weeks old

I can't believe my baby is 3 weeks old already! It really doesn't seem like it's been 3 weeks since we were in the hospital. Today at her dr's appt the pediatrician said that she's losing her newborn look, which made me kinda sad. I'd like her to be a newborn forever, even if I'm not getting any sleep.

Today at her appt she was up to 9lb5oz, which was up 300grams from last week. The dr said that they're doing well if they gain 30grams a day, so since she gained more than that, she's doing well. Thank God. Now we don't have to go back to the dr until her 2 mos appt.

Last night was her best night yet. She slept well from midnight to 3am. I got her back to bed around 4am and then she slept well until 5:30am. That was a first for us, bc usually she's up every 15-30 mins from the time she gets up at 3am until about 6am, so I was pretty excited that she went back to sleep for an hour and a half. Of course I got up to check on her a few times in between there to make sure she was okay since it was unusual for her to sleep that long.

I think she's going to have my curly hair because when we give her her baths, her hair gets really curly afterwards. And she LOVES having her hair washed. She's not a big fan of the sponge baths right now (we can't give her a real bath yet, until her belly button is completely healed), but she gets really calm and quiet when we pour warm water on her head. It's pretty cute. Mark gives her her nasty vitamins every night too, and she makes the funniest faces when he does that. The stuff tastes HORRIBLE, so I don't blame her for making funny faces.

She seems to be a real snuggler. She's much happier when we're holding her compared to being in the swing or stroller or bouncer. She doesn't mind laying on the bed, as long as she's right up against one of us. Sometimes I take naps with her on the bed, but it's hard to keep the weinas away from her. They like to get right up in her face and lick her and it bugs me. I had no clue baby's dream like dogs do. She makes the funniest faces and noises in her sleep sometimes. And she LOVES to stretch. Any time you move her or she wakes up she arches her back and extends both of her arms out all the way and puts her head back and brings her feet up to her butt and makes grunting noises. We'll have to video tape it. It's adorable.

I'll try to take some 3 week pictures today and post them later tonight or tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

No more biliblanket!!

As of Monday, Abbie's bilirubin count was down to 13.9, which means she's in the clear now for the jaundice, thank God. We have her appt tomorrow at 7:20am to see if she's still gaining weight. Hopefully if that appt goes okay we can stay away from the dr and lab for a while. We've been going 3-5 times a week since she's been home, so it'll be nice to not have to go anymore.

Since I'm behind on the pictures, here are a BUNCH.

She LOVES to sleep with her hands up by her face.

It's hard to believe how tiny she is sometimes, especially when she frogs up like this on Mark.

Our usual spot in the downstairs chair.

Taking a nap with Daddy

Wide awake!!

She's not a big fan of her swing yet, but she was interested in it for a while this day.

Showing some tongue

Deep in thought

She falls asleep like this a lot.

Chillin with grandpa. (My dad surprised me and come down for 3 days while my mom was here.)