Valuing relationships

Lately I have really been feeling like I put more value in certain relationships than the other parties do, and it sucks.  There are a few friendships I’ve really been feeling like I put much more value on the friendship than the other people do, and it’s a tough pill to swallow.  More often than not, I feel like I’m the one asking people to do things, or I’m the one keeping in touch with people.  The transient lifestyle of a military spouse really plays in to this.  I know most of the people in this small town have been here for years.  They all know each other and I am the outsider.  Some of them have been very accepting and welcome me in to their already well established circles, but most of them don’t.  And then there’s some that you think welcome you in but really aren’t.  Those ones hurt.  I am hoping and praying that we can grow much deeper roots in NY and that we won’t be the “outsiders” there in a few years.  That we can grow lasting friendships with people that put as much value into the relationship as we do.

(My aunt and uncle did make the trip to CO to see us and it was great to see them.  And my dad was cut off in the group picture.. He was next to Mark.)

But what sucks even more than friendships, is when you feel this vast divide with family.  We recently drove to CO to give my parents our dogs during our move.  We drove 12 hours (not including stops) with 4 kids and 3 dogs.  I asked one of my extended family to drive 4 hrs to see us so they could meet some of our kids and we could meet theirs, but they couldn’t be bothered to drive that far.  That hurts.  I would LOVE for my kids to have cousins that they could play with or see once a year or so, but we’ve never lived near anyone of our relatives that have kids.  We’ll be within driving distance of some of Mark’s cousins once we move so hopefully we can plan some meet ups with them when we live on the other side of the country.  Mark’s family seems to just plan their trips with just them.  They go to Europe together and rent lake houses together and never once suggest that we all meet in the middle to include us, or even invite us to join them in their trips.  Of course we couldn’t go to Europe with them, and we wouldn’t go all the way to where they live with 4 kids, but I feel bad that Mark’s pretty much been ostracized from his own family.  He says it doesn’t bother him and that he has his own family now, but it’s got to be a little weird for him to see them all getting together and going on trips together when he’s never even invited.

My hope is that my kids will try to keep in touch with each other when they are older – that their kids will all be friends and that they’ll be able to see each other more than once or twice a year, if that.  I am thankful for all the opportunities the military has afforded us, and all the friends we have all over the place, but it is hard to not have people physically close to you to develop deep relationships with.  And as soon as you do develop a deep relationship with someone, either you move or they move.  We are looking forward to the guard side of the military for sure.

And then there were 4

Having 4 kids isn’t for the faint of heart and quite honestly, the thought of Mark going back to work tomorrow terrifies me and makes me cry just thinking about it.  We’ve gotten off to a rough start with our little Josie girl, but the big kids all love her and so do we.

 

Jamison was most interested in her when we brought her home.  He points and her and says “baby” every time he sees her and now (at 12 days old for her) he’s also saying Josie.  He cried a few times when she cried in the beginning but he’s over it now.  He loves to try to help with her by handing us wipes and he loves pointing to her and looking at her when we hold her or she’s in the swing or bouncer.  Hopefully he will always been this gentle with her.  He really is a sweet boy so I think he’ll be a good big brother.

Ben actually wanted to hold her right away, which surprised me.  He loves to talk about how cute she is and he’s said multiple times “I want to keep her.”  Or he asks if we can keep her or get to keep her.  He always wants to make sure she’s going with us when we leave and he asks to touch her a lot too.  It’s a lot different from when Jamison was born as he didn’t want to touch Jamison for a few days and it took like a week or two before he’d hold J.

Abbie is a natural of course.  She asks to hold Josie ALL the time, and I try to let her as much as possible, but Abbie has also had a cold recently so I’m trying to keep her away from the baby.  All the kids know they need to wash their hands before they get near her and also use hand sanitizer and Abbie changes her shirts when she gets home from school.  Yes, I’m being anal, but no, I don’t want a newborn to get whatever crud is going around and land in the hospital.  Again.

 

The house is pure chaos right now.  The boys run around and make as much noise as possible.  Abbie is constantly talking about something or other or doing her crafts that make huge messes.  The baby is held pretty much all day by either Mark or myself.  She cries when we put her down.  I am able to wear her some, which helps.  She isn’t nursing great at all because we’ve been bottle feeding her and supplementing her.  I try to pump as often as possible, but in the chaos of everything I don’t have a lot of time.  And when I do have time, I just want to sleep and not pump.  I can get her to latch occasionally, but she almost always falls asleep on me immediately, so her nursing sessions last about 3 mins.  She’s a lot easier to keep awake with a bottle.

Our adventure as 6 begins.  I’m excited and terrified at the same time, and I’m not sure which one is more prevalent right now.  Hopefully we’ll get into a routine soon and I’ll get the hang of managing 4 kids all day by myself and we won’t have so much to worry about with Josie.  Thank God I’m in this with Mark.  He’s a God send in more ways than one.

A trip to my parents

We always love going to visit my parents in southern MO.  They live on Table Rock Lake and have lots of toys to play with and space for all of us to stay with them when we visit, so it’s more relaxing than going to a hotel and everyone having to share a hotel room.  We wear the kids out at the lake every day and have fun in the boat and on the jet ski.  Branson is close by and there’s obviously tons to do there as well, although we didn’t go there much this trip because I’m pregnant.  They live like 15 mins from Silver Dollar City so next time we’re there we’ll go there again, but being pregnant and going to amusement parks don’t go too well together.

 

 

Ben is by far, our most cautious kiddo.  He was so excited to go to the lake but then when we got there and it was time to jump off the dock, he wasn’t super excited about doing that.  It took us a good 10 mins to get him to jump in the first time, but after that he probably jumped off the dock at least 250 times while we were there.  He also actually rode on the jet ski and on the tube behind the jet ski too and loved it.  I like that he’s cautious and not a crazy dare devil like some boys are.

Jamison, on the other hand, is crazy.  He would have easily gone sailing off the dock by himself without hesitation.  His adventuresome spirit makes me so nervous because you have to watch him like a hawk.  We made sure we always put his life jacket on him before we got anywhere near the water or the dock and we had him wear his floatie thing and sit in a tube.  When he just wore his floaties, he’d have his mouth in the water the whole time.  He still would almost tip the tube over trying to put his face in the water and he loved splashing.  That boy is going to keep me on my toes, that’s for sure.

 

 

Jamison loved the boat rides and so did the big kids.  The second night there they fell asleep on the ride home from dinner.  That’s always a good sign that we’re wearing them out.  I wish we had a lake so close that they could go swimming in.  They loved it.  Jamison didn’t even mind wearing his life jacket in the boat too much.  He fell asleep a few times in there too and Ben would go underneath the front of the boat and fall asleep on the bed down there.  I used to do that all the time too, so I’m not surprised that he did.

My mom borrowed a high chair from a friend and they have some toys at their house for the kids to play with.  I would love to have a big house like they do someday, especially when we have grand kids, but I guess even before then.  The 2 of them probably don’t need anywhere near that much space, but when you have 4 kids, you do need space.  (And 3 dogs.)  J was fascinated with my parents cat, Lucy.  She wasn’t super fond of him, but he learned to say “key” (kitty) when we were there and he loved following her around.

 

My cousins came to visit from central IL while we were there too, so it was good to see them.  Their kids are 14 and 18 and it seems like the last time we saw them they were Abbie’s and Ben’s ages.  My kids loved spending time with their kids and Mark and I enjoyed talking with Marc and Alli too.  It was a nice visit, but very short.  I wish we could see them more often.

 

I had 2 requests while we were there.  I really wanted to eat at the Crap Shack since we don’t have any of those near us and I wanted to go to the quilt store in Branson that I love.  I got to do both and my mom and I had a good time wandering around the quilt store while the kids stayed with Mark and my dad.  I could spend HOURS at that store looking at everything they have to offer, but we only spent about 30 mins there and I only bought one package of pre-cut Tula Pink fabric.  I added it to my collection.  I still have all the fabric I bought on my last visit there 2 years ago…  I tend to hoard fabric.  It makes me happy.

 

Getting home was a bit of a mess.  We were supposed to fly out at like 9pm but the plane we were supposed to fly out on hit birds on the landing into Branson, so they ended up cancelling the flight around 11pm and rescheduling it for the next morning at 10am.  We had to rent a car and get a hotel room near the airport, which was okay, just kind of expensive, but we made it work.  And we were able to have breakfast with my parents at Cracker Barrell the next morning before we flew out.  The kids did great on the flights, despite us having to hold Jamison in our laps because we didn’t buy him a seat.  Abbie was fine saying goodbye to my parents, but as the plane was taking off, she was crying.  I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t want to leave.  =(  Breaks my heart so then I sat there and cried too…  ugh.  I wish we lived much closer to them so we could see them more often.  Someday.