Monday, December 8, 2014

Ben’s birthday letter from Daddy

 

Ben3         Ben19 

Happy 3rd Birthday Little Man! 8 Dec 14

You are 3 years old already! I refuse to believe it! It wasn't too long ago that you were barely saying 2 words. Now you're throwing together sentences that are 10+ words strong! You're a smart little kiddo just like your sister. Your sister has done a lot to help you talk. I know in large part it's because of her that you are communicating so well. She not only teaches you words or common sentences and phrases but she also provides you with some stiff competition. She is always filling up the airwaves so you've had to learn quickly how to express your ideas and feelings so as not to get lost in the noise. Although she does teach you some phrases Mom and I would rather you not repeat. Such as, “turdy butt”, “poopy head”, or the always popular combo “you stinky turdy butt poopy head”. Where does this stuff come from? Mom does a great job teaching you as well. Just like she did with your sister. Mom is always testing your knowledge or teaching you new words and how to pronounce them. You are darn good for having no front teeth. When you take your time you're easy to understand, but sometimes you get excited and the words just don't come out the way you want. Then it becomes somewhat difficult to understand you but you're improving everyday.

Ben18

You, my little man, love machines. Anything that moves and makes noise (just not too much noise or the hand earmuffs go up). Cars, trucks, boats, planes, trains...you love them all. Mom and I bought you a train table for your birthday and what a hit that has been with you. We had the bright idea of assembling the table and giving it to you the morning before we left for our trip to The Polar Express. I still don't know how we got you out of the house and on the road when we did.Ben11 

One of my favorite things to do is watch you play. You've started adding the sound effects to your cars, trains, and planes just like I used to. You are so interested in the motion of your vehicles. You study every aspect of their movement. I love how you lay your head down on the couch and study how they move across the couch cushion while you push them back and forth, back and forth. Or, you'll walk around with your plane in hand watching it fly through the air twisting and turning all the while making the engine come alive with your sound effects. Here's a little constructive feedback for your sound effects; a little more air and a lot less spit...you're running a bit rich.

Ben5

Wow do you like to run! I don't you think walk anywhere anymore. You have two speeds right now; crashed and sprint. Run in the house, run out of the house, run up the stairs, run down hotel hallways, run while being chased, run while not being chased, run to the park so you can run in the park, run while your nose is running, and the best of all...run to the door when I walk through it to meet me when I come home from work. One of my favorite times of the day! Something I know I'll miss when you get older.

Ben10

We're still working on your ability to handle frustrating situations. Hopefully Mom and I can move you past the ear piercing shrill. That shrill could mean a number of things including but not limited to “Sampson is molesting me”, “Abbie ripped a toy out of my hand”, “my pancake fell off my fork”, “the magnetic train cars keep falling apart”, or (what mom and I always imagine) “I just lost my arm or leg and I need immediate medical attention”. We'll get there eventually.Ben17

You're the best little man! I'm excited to watch you grow! But it's now time to tell you what Mom and I have been telling Abbie for the past few years. Stop growing!! You're not allowed to get any older! We're not going to celebrate your birthday anymore so you can't get any older! It's worth a shot anyway.

Ben21

I'm love being your dad! Happy Birthday Benji-boy! 

Love, Dad      

Ben6

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Bumpdate: week 16

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How Far Along? 16 weeks

Size of Baby? 4.5 inches long, 3.5oz, about the size of an avocado

Maternity Clothes? Yes, I am definitely digging them out.  Some of my stretchier jeans I can still wear unless I’m going to be sitting for a while and then it’s really uncomfortable.  I mostly wear maxi skirts or leggings or maternity pants.

Weight Gain? about 2.5 lbs

Stretch Marks/belly button? I don’t know.  My entire abdomen is basically one big stretch mark so I have no clue if they’re new or old or in between.

Baby’s Sex? Still no clue, which is a bit annoying.  I knew Ben was a boy, but this time I’m just not sure.  I’m getting headaches (did with Abbie, didn’t with Ben), but I don’t know if they’re hormonal or stress/tension related.  I’ve been pretty emotional which makes me think maybe girl, but that could just be wishful thinking.

Sleep? Still good.  I’m getting some minor back/pelvic pain, but not enough to wake me up yet.  I’ve still be somewhat tired so that could be why I sleep like a log.

Food Cravings? Chicken – BBQ chicken pizza, which I don’t think I’ve ever ordered before this pregnancy.  Chicken avocado sandwiches (usually I prefer burgers).  I used to love having ice cream or pop corn before bed and I don’t really want either of those now.  I usually have cereal.  Just odd.

Best Moment This Week? Seeing baby A on ultrasound at our last appointment.  It’s little legs were crossed.

What I am loving? All of Abbie’s questions and comments about the baby and how it’s going to get here and what we’ll do with it and how I am feeling and when she’ll be able to feel it move.

Movement? I’ve felt some weird stuff that I’m still not exactly sure what is.  But very occasionally I can feel the baby move.  I’m excited for it to be more regular.

What I’m looking forward to: Dec 15th when we get to have the big ultrasound!!

Other Updates… At my OB appointment last week my doctor said, “You knew you’d lost the baby when you came in, didn’t you?”  She said that that was amazing that I had that intuition and that she could tell by my voice that I knew.  I found that interesting.  Oh, and baby B is still in there, but about the size of baby A’s head right now.  Kind of odd.

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16 week ultrasound – I honestly have no clue what that is except for the round looking thing on the left is it’s head with maybe it’s little hand right in front of it’s face.  ??  Either that or I’m growing an alien.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Taking it all in

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The next day Mark and I went in for an ultrasound to confirm that baby B wasn’t alive.  I knew it wasn’t, but I still felt like I was going to throw up as I was waiting to be called back.  I’m glad Mark was able to leave work to come with me.  His co-workers were understanding and they all hurried to finish building the schedule so Mark could leave to get to our appointment.  The u/s tech asked me why we were there for a scan, I think mainly to know if we actually knew why, not because she needed to know.  She confirmed that baby B didn’t have a heartbeat and after that anticipation of hear it again was over, I was okay.

I think the hardest thing for me to get over was the fact that we weren’t having twins anymore.  It was difficult to change my mindset from 2 to 1 and I think that’s what I was mostly upset over.  At 10 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t super attached to the babies yet, more the idea of having twins.  Yes, it totally sucked losing baby B and I was/am sad, but I’m not one of those that dwells on it for weeks/months/years and I just trust God’s plan with it all I guess.  I figure that baby B wasn’t completely healthy and I would much rather lose a baby at 10 weeks pregnant than like my parents did and lose one when they’re 10 months old.

The next week I had the nuchal translucency ultrasound to scan for downs syndrome and other chromosomal disorders and baby A was still doing well and moving around like crazy again so that was reassuring.  Not reassuring enough for me to make this pregnancy blog/ FB official yet, but it was still reassuring.

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Saturday, October 25, 2014

Telling Abbie about baby #3

We told the kids about baby #3 Friday afternoon.  We sat Abbie down (while Ben wandered around near us) and showed her a picture of our most recent ultrasound.  We asked her what she thought it was a picture of and she said she thought it was a baby raccoon.  Haha!  Once she grasped the concept that it was a human baby, she was very excited.  The first thing she said was that we were going to have THREE kids, and the next thing she said was that she wanted to help feed it and she would "hold it like this and then feed it like this".  That was funny because I had just told Mark the day before that he was going to have competition for feeding the baby because Abbie LOVES babies.  Abbie is such a little mama and she tends to gravitate towards babies.  A few of my friends have babies and Abbie always tries to play with them and get them to smile or laugh.  She's very gentle and it's sweet to watch her with them.  It will be interesting to see how she deals with a baby that never leaves.  Hopefully it'll be better when she's 6 years old vs when she was 2.5 when Ben was born.  That wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but she's much more mature now so I think it'll be good.  We're going to involve her as much as we can throughout my pregnancy so she feels a sense of connection to the baby once it arrives.

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She calls this her little mommy outfit.  She is DEFINITELY a little momma.

I was at Hobby Lobby with the kids a few hours after we told them and Abbie was still bouncing off the walls.  She kept saying "I can't believe you're going to have THREE kids!  That's going to be so much work!"  Why a 5 year old is thinking about how much work 3 kids will be is beyond me, but Abbie has always been wise beyond her years.  She asked me who was going to be there when the baby comes out and I said probably just daddy will be there.  She asked where her and Ben will be and I told her probably at home with grammy and she wanted to know why they couldn't be there.  Luckily she didn't press the issue too much.

Abbie frequently will put her hands on my belly and ask when she’ll get to feel it move.  She’s full of lots of questions about everything and anything.  I’m so excited to see her interact with baby #3.  She can be a great big sister when she wants to be.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Bumpdate: week 11

I haven’t done these before, that I remember, so I thought I’d do them every few weeks to keep track of this pregnancy.  I don’t really remember what was going on in my other pregnancies when I was however many weeks along so maybe if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again, these will help me remember.

Pics below are taken at 8 weeks, 10 weeks and 12 weeks.  (Excuse the disaster of a bathroom.  We are remodeling it and as you can see, making great progress…..)

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How Far Along? 11 weeks

Size of Baby? 1.5 inches long, about the size of a fig

Maternity Clothes? No, not yet, but I'm definitely wearing my stretchier pants now or my ones that were a little bit to begin with.

Weight Gain? about a pound

Stretch Marks/belly button? No new ones anyway...  I still have plenty left over from A and B

Baby’s Sex? No clue, although on my NT ultrasound this week I could have sworn I saw a weiner.  The u/s tech said it was way too early to make any sort of call on that.

Sleep? Good!  Get up about once or twice to pee, but I'm finally feeling that I can function without a 3+ hour nap every day.

Food Cravings? Still no cravings really, more like aversions.  Usually nothing sounds very good to eat.

Best Moment This Week? The u/s tech telling me that she was having a really hard time finding what she was looking for, which was a good thing because if there are problems it is enlarged.

What I am loving? Seeing Abbie's excitement when we told her we were having another baby.

Movement? I've been feeling movement since around 9 weeks - probably because there were/are 2 of them so they are taking more room in my belly and this is my 3rd pregnancy, so I know what I'm feeling.  I'm definitely still feeling baby A occasionally.  Just little flutters though.

What I’m looking forward to: Being able to have Mark, Abbie and Ben feel the baby move from the outside.

Other Updates… We told the kids yesterday about baby A.  It was really cute.  I'll write a separate post about that.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The irony…

I've been feeling particularly anxious about this pregnancy with the twins.  It's not at all like me to want to withhold exciting news like this from my friends, but I have been a little hesitant to tell people that I'm pregnant with twins, for fear that something happens to one of them.

Last night was a squadron coffee.  Some of the girls I'm closer to in the squadron already knew I was pregnant with twins.  I told a few more people, and then had a few people that I didn't tell approach me about it, so I know the news is traveling fast.  Which is fine, I don't really care, but it made me anxious.  The squadron commanders wife wanted to announce that I was pregnant with twins to everyone and I asked her not to because I wasn't ready for that.  A few people that knew I was pregnant asked me how things are going and I had to say that I don't really know.  I know things were great at 7.5 weeks but now it's 3 weeks later and this early in the first trimester, you really don't know.  I haven't had any cramping or bleeding, so that's a good sign, but not a guarantee that everything is fine.  

A few of the girls told me to call my doctor and just ask for an extra ultrasound if I was worried about it.  So this morning I finally got enough guts to call my doctor and ask for an ultrasound before my scheduled appointment next week.  I felt like an idiot asking her but she humored me and said come on in.

She found baby A right away.  Baby A was very clear and showed up great on the ultrasound.  You could see it's little arms and legs flailing all over the place and it's heart rate was a strong 176bpm.  She mentioned something about both sacs still looking good and then she looked for baby B.  And she looked... and looked... and looked.  You could see a very faint outline occasionally of something, but it was nothing like baby A.  She kept saying she couldn't get a clear view of baby B.  She looked for the heart beat once, but couldn't find it.  After about 5-10 mins she said she wanted to try a vaginal u/s to see if she could see it better, but I had a full bladder so she couldn't see anything that way.  So she went back to prodding around on my stomach and then finally said that from what she could tell baby B stopped growing at 8w4d and she couldn't find a heartbeat.  But then she went on to say she never really got a clear shot of it and that the portable machine she was using isn't the most accurate or reliable so she wanted me to go get a second scan to confirm what she thought.IMG_1222

So it's been a rough day, to say the least.  The thing that is mostly throwing me for a loop is that I basically knew where both of the twins were before she even did the scan.  I swear I can feel the little baby movement flutters occasionally, and they were both right where I've been feeling them.  And I've felt baby B in the last few weeks, which doesn't match up if it stopped growing at 8w4d.  Maybe I'm hallucinating and I'm not actually feeling them.  Maybe baby A is somehow moving so much that it's making baby B move.  Maybe baby B stopped growing a lot later than she thought and she just couldn't get a good enough view of it to make an accurate estimate.  I don't know what it is, but this definitely sucks.  I go back and forth between not wanting to get my hopes up that the conclusion was wrong because I don't want to be that disappointed all over again, to wanting to hold out hope that it was wrong and that both babies are still okay.  It's kind of a fine line that I've jumped over many times in the past few hours.

My next ultrasound is tomorrow morning.  I am putting Ben in daycare for a few hours (he was with me today, running his toy car all over the table as I was laying there getting the ultrasound done) and I think Mark will be able to go with me this time.  

And the irony of it all is today is October 15th - Infant and pregnancy loss awareness/remembrance day.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

From the beginning

I have other blog posts saved describing later on in my pregnancy, but for some reason, I never wrote about the first part.

 

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So starting from the beginning, Mark and I started trying for baby #3 around August 2013.  In November 2013, my cycles went a little nuts and jumped from the normal 28ish days to 45+ days, without any real explanation.  I went to the doctor a few times, and they said it was probably due to stress and I just needed to relax.  I thought that maybe it was the stress of having Emily live with us or the stress of getting my real estate license, or some sort of combination of the two and figured it would go back to normal in a few months, but it didn’t.  I started taking my basil temp every morning and tracking it and started using OPK’s daily, and I just wasn’t seeing any significant change in my temp or a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit).  We went through months and months of this and I was getting a little more frustrated every month because I couldn’t tell if I was actually ovulating or not.

Finally in June they did some testing on me and everything looked fine.  They gave me progesterone one month to try to “reset” everything and that didn’t necessarily work, but it did give me the cycle from hell if that counts.  My OB said she wanted to wait a few more months before giving me a fertility drug, but I told her I didn’t want to wait a few more months.  By this time it had been a year and I wasn’t getting positives on anything and I wanted to take the next step.  So they prescribed 100mg of Clomid, and said I wouldn’t get migraines from it, which was a total and complete lie because I had a migraine for about a week straight after taking that stuff.  However, it worked.  Even though that month I STILL never got a rise in temp or a positive OPK, I did get a positive pregnancy test, and we were so excited.

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I was going to test on my birthday, which is when I should have started, but decided that that would make it a crappy birthday if it was negative.  So I tested 6 days early and I didn’t get just a faint line that I was hoping for, I got a VERY positive positive.  The test line was a lot darker than the control line, even though I was testing early, and that was my first clue that this wasn’t like my other pregnancies.

I knew that our odds of having multiples went up by 8-10% with taking Clomid, and add to the fact that I am a natural twin and I am over 30 years old, all of those combined made our odds fairly good.  I have always wanted twins and I just had a feeling that this pregnancy was twins.  I took an online test the night before our first appointment and it had 15 questions and I think like 12 of them we answered yes to, all indicating that it could be twins.  So when we had our appointment the next day, neither Mark nor I were too shocked when we saw two sacks and two heartbeats.  We were SO excited, and a little terrified, but more excited than anything.  I think you start running through scenarios in your head immediately when you find out news that you’re having twins – like are you going to sleep at all for the first few months and how do you breastfeed twins when it’s hard enough with one newborn – but despite all of that, we were so excited.  She told us told they were di/di twins, which I think stands for diamniotic and dichorionic, so they had they’re own sacks and own supplies and weren’t sharing anything, which was the safest kind of twins to have.

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Still, even with this info, I was terrified to make it public knowledge.  I didn’t even want to tell his parents.  This was new for me because with our other two, we told everyone and anyone pretty much right away, but that just didn’t feel right to me this time, and I’m glad we didn’t. 

 

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