Sunday, November 23, 2014

Bumpdate: week 16

IMG_1797

How Far Along? 16 weeks

Size of Baby? 4.5 inches long, 3.5oz, about the size of an avocado

Maternity Clothes? Yes, I am definitely digging them out.  Some of my stretchier jeans I can still wear unless I’m going to be sitting for a while and then it’s really uncomfortable.  I mostly wear maxi skirts or leggings or maternity pants.

Weight Gain? about 2.5 lbs

Stretch Marks/belly button? I don’t know.  My entire abdomen is basically one big stretch mark so I have no clue if they’re new or old or in between.

Baby’s Sex? Still no clue, which is a bit annoying.  I knew Ben was a boy, but this time I’m just not sure.  I’m getting headaches (did with Abbie, didn’t with Ben), but I don’t know if they’re hormonal or stress/tension related.  I’ve been pretty emotional which makes me think maybe girl, but that could just be wishful thinking.

Sleep? Still good.  I’m getting some minor back/pelvic pain, but not enough to wake me up yet.  I’ve still be somewhat tired so that could be why I sleep like a log.

Food Cravings? Chicken – BBQ chicken pizza, which I don’t think I’ve ever ordered before this pregnancy.  Chicken avocado sandwiches (usually I prefer burgers).  I used to love having ice cream or pop corn before bed and I don’t really want either of those now.  I usually have cereal.  Just odd.

Best Moment This Week? Seeing baby A on ultrasound at our last appointment.  It’s little legs were crossed.

What I am loving? All of Abbie’s questions and comments about the baby and how it’s going to get here and what we’ll do with it and how I am feeling and when she’ll be able to feel it move.

Movement? I’ve felt some weird stuff that I’m still not exactly sure what is.  But very occasionally I can feel the baby move.  I’m excited for it to be more regular.

What I’m looking forward to: Dec 15th when we get to have the big ultrasound!!

Other Updates… At my OB appointment last week my doctor said, “You knew you’d lost the baby when you came in, didn’t you?”  She said that that was amazing that I had that intuition and that she could tell by my voice that I knew.  I found that interesting.  Oh, and baby B is still in there, but about the size of baby A’s head right now.  Kind of odd.

IMG_1745

16 week ultrasound – I honestly have no clue what that is except for the round looking thing on the left is it’s head with maybe it’s little hand right in front of it’s face.  ??  Either that or I’m growing an alien.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Taking it all in

IMG_1226

The next day Mark and I went in for an ultrasound to confirm that baby B wasn’t alive.  I knew it wasn’t, but I still felt like I was going to throw up as I was waiting to be called back.  I’m glad Mark was able to leave work to come with me.  His co-workers were understanding and they all hurried to finish building the schedule so Mark could leave to get to our appointment.  The u/s tech asked me why we were there for a scan, I think mainly to know if we actually knew why, not because she needed to know.  She confirmed that baby B didn’t have a heartbeat and after that anticipation of hear it again was over, I was okay.

I think the hardest thing for me to get over was the fact that we weren’t having twins anymore.  It was difficult to change my mindset from 2 to 1 and I think that’s what I was mostly upset over.  At 10 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t super attached to the babies yet, more the idea of having twins.  Yes, it totally sucked losing baby B and I was/am sad, but I’m not one of those that dwells on it for weeks/months/years and I just trust God’s plan with it all I guess.  I figure that baby B wasn’t completely healthy and I would much rather lose a baby at 10 weeks pregnant than like my parents did and lose one when they’re 10 months old.

The next week I had the nuchal translucency ultrasound to scan for downs syndrome and other chromosomal disorders and baby A was still doing well and moving around like crazy again so that was reassuring.  Not reassuring enough for me to make this pregnancy blog/ FB official yet, but it was still reassuring.

IMG_1382IMG_1383

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Telling Abbie about baby #3

We told the kids about baby #3 Friday afternoon.  We sat Abbie down (while Ben wandered around near us) and showed her a picture of our most recent ultrasound.  We asked her what she thought it was a picture of and she said she thought it was a baby raccoon.  Haha!  Once she grasped the concept that it was a human baby, she was very excited.  The first thing she said was that we were going to have THREE kids, and the next thing she said was that she wanted to help feed it and she would "hold it like this and then feed it like this".  That was funny because I had just told Mark the day before that he was going to have competition for feeding the baby because Abbie LOVES babies.  Abbie is such a little mama and she tends to gravitate towards babies.  A few of my friends have babies and Abbie always tries to play with them and get them to smile or laugh.  She's very gentle and it's sweet to watch her with them.  It will be interesting to see how she deals with a baby that never leaves.  Hopefully it'll be better when she's 6 years old vs when she was 2.5 when Ben was born.  That wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but she's much more mature now so I think it'll be good.  We're going to involve her as much as we can throughout my pregnancy so she feels a sense of connection to the baby once it arrives.

IMG_1768

She calls this her little mommy outfit.  She is DEFINITELY a little momma.

I was at Hobby Lobby with the kids a few hours after we told them and Abbie was still bouncing off the walls.  She kept saying "I can't believe you're going to have THREE kids!  That's going to be so much work!"  Why a 5 year old is thinking about how much work 3 kids will be is beyond me, but Abbie has always been wise beyond her years.  She asked me who was going to be there when the baby comes out and I said probably just daddy will be there.  She asked where her and Ben will be and I told her probably at home with grammy and she wanted to know why they couldn't be there.  Luckily she didn't press the issue too much.

Abbie frequently will put her hands on my belly and ask when she’ll get to feel it move.  She’s full of lots of questions about everything and anything.  I’m so excited to see her interact with baby #3.  She can be a great big sister when she wants to be.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Bumpdate: week 11

I haven’t done these before, that I remember, so I thought I’d do them every few weeks to keep track of this pregnancy.  I don’t really remember what was going on in my other pregnancies when I was however many weeks along so maybe if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again, these will help me remember.

Pics below are taken at 8 weeks, 10 weeks and 12 weeks.  (Excuse the disaster of a bathroom.  We are remodeling it and as you can see, making great progress…..)

IMG_1039IMG_1204IMG_1448

How Far Along? 11 weeks

Size of Baby? 1.5 inches long, about the size of a fig

Maternity Clothes? No, not yet, but I'm definitely wearing my stretchier pants now or my ones that were a little bit to begin with.

Weight Gain? about a pound

Stretch Marks/belly button? No new ones anyway...  I still have plenty left over from A and B

Baby’s Sex? No clue, although on my NT ultrasound this week I could have sworn I saw a weiner.  The u/s tech said it was way too early to make any sort of call on that.

Sleep? Good!  Get up about once or twice to pee, but I'm finally feeling that I can function without a 3+ hour nap every day.

Food Cravings? Still no cravings really, more like aversions.  Usually nothing sounds very good to eat.

Best Moment This Week? The u/s tech telling me that she was having a really hard time finding what she was looking for, which was a good thing because if there are problems it is enlarged.

What I am loving? Seeing Abbie's excitement when we told her we were having another baby.

Movement? I've been feeling movement since around 9 weeks - probably because there were/are 2 of them so they are taking more room in my belly and this is my 3rd pregnancy, so I know what I'm feeling.  I'm definitely still feeling baby A occasionally.  Just little flutters though.

What I’m looking forward to: Being able to have Mark, Abbie and Ben feel the baby move from the outside.

Other Updates… We told the kids yesterday about baby A.  It was really cute.  I'll write a separate post about that.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The irony…

I've been feeling particularly anxious about this pregnancy with the twins.  It's not at all like me to want to withhold exciting news like this from my friends, but I have been a little hesitant to tell people that I'm pregnant with twins, for fear that something happens to one of them.

Last night was a squadron coffee.  Some of the girls I'm closer to in the squadron already knew I was pregnant with twins.  I told a few more people, and then had a few people that I didn't tell approach me about it, so I know the news is traveling fast.  Which is fine, I don't really care, but it made me anxious.  The squadron commanders wife wanted to announce that I was pregnant with twins to everyone and I asked her not to because I wasn't ready for that.  A few people that knew I was pregnant asked me how things are going and I had to say that I don't really know.  I know things were great at 7.5 weeks but now it's 3 weeks later and this early in the first trimester, you really don't know.  I haven't had any cramping or bleeding, so that's a good sign, but not a guarantee that everything is fine.  

A few of the girls told me to call my doctor and just ask for an extra ultrasound if I was worried about it.  So this morning I finally got enough guts to call my doctor and ask for an ultrasound before my scheduled appointment next week.  I felt like an idiot asking her but she humored me and said come on in.

She found baby A right away.  Baby A was very clear and showed up great on the ultrasound.  You could see it's little arms and legs flailing all over the place and it's heart rate was a strong 176bpm.  She mentioned something about both sacs still looking good and then she looked for baby B.  And she looked... and looked... and looked.  You could see a very faint outline occasionally of something, but it was nothing like baby A.  She kept saying she couldn't get a clear view of baby B.  She looked for the heart beat once, but couldn't find it.  After about 5-10 mins she said she wanted to try a vaginal u/s to see if she could see it better, but I had a full bladder so she couldn't see anything that way.  So she went back to prodding around on my stomach and then finally said that from what she could tell baby B stopped growing at 8w4d and she couldn't find a heartbeat.  But then she went on to say she never really got a clear shot of it and that the portable machine she was using isn't the most accurate or reliable so she wanted me to go get a second scan to confirm what she thought.IMG_1222

So it's been a rough day, to say the least.  The thing that is mostly throwing me for a loop is that I basically knew where both of the twins were before she even did the scan.  I swear I can feel the little baby movement flutters occasionally, and they were both right where I've been feeling them.  And I've felt baby B in the last few weeks, which doesn't match up if it stopped growing at 8w4d.  Maybe I'm hallucinating and I'm not actually feeling them.  Maybe baby A is somehow moving so much that it's making baby B move.  Maybe baby B stopped growing a lot later than she thought and she just couldn't get a good enough view of it to make an accurate estimate.  I don't know what it is, but this definitely sucks.  I go back and forth between not wanting to get my hopes up that the conclusion was wrong because I don't want to be that disappointed all over again, to wanting to hold out hope that it was wrong and that both babies are still okay.  It's kind of a fine line that I've jumped over many times in the past few hours.

My next ultrasound is tomorrow morning.  I am putting Ben in daycare for a few hours (he was with me today, running his toy car all over the table as I was laying there getting the ultrasound done) and I think Mark will be able to go with me this time.  

And the irony of it all is today is October 15th - Infant and pregnancy loss awareness/remembrance day.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

From the beginning

I have other blog posts saved describing later on in my pregnancy, but for some reason, I never wrote about the first part.

 

IMG_1795

So starting from the beginning, Mark and I started trying for baby #3 around August 2013.  In November 2013, my cycles went a little nuts and jumped from the normal 28ish days to 45+ days, without any real explanation.  I went to the doctor a few times, and they said it was probably due to stress and I just needed to relax.  I thought that maybe it was the stress of having Emily live with us or the stress of getting my real estate license, or some sort of combination of the two and figured it would go back to normal in a few months, but it didn’t.  I started taking my basil temp every morning and tracking it and started using OPK’s daily, and I just wasn’t seeing any significant change in my temp or a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit).  We went through months and months of this and I was getting a little more frustrated every month because I couldn’t tell if I was actually ovulating or not.

Finally in June they did some testing on me and everything looked fine.  They gave me progesterone one month to try to “reset” everything and that didn’t necessarily work, but it did give me the cycle from hell if that counts.  My OB said she wanted to wait a few more months before giving me a fertility drug, but I told her I didn’t want to wait a few more months.  By this time it had been a year and I wasn’t getting positives on anything and I wanted to take the next step.  So they prescribed 100mg of Clomid, and said I wouldn’t get migraines from it, which was a total and complete lie because I had a migraine for about a week straight after taking that stuff.  However, it worked.  Even though that month I STILL never got a rise in temp or a positive OPK, I did get a positive pregnancy test, and we were so excited.

IMG_0628IMG_0627

I was going to test on my birthday, which is when I should have started, but decided that that would make it a crappy birthday if it was negative.  So I tested 6 days early and I didn’t get just a faint line that I was hoping for, I got a VERY positive positive.  The test line was a lot darker than the control line, even though I was testing early, and that was my first clue that this wasn’t like my other pregnancies.

I knew that our odds of having multiples went up by 8-10% with taking Clomid, and add to the fact that I am a natural twin and I am over 30 years old, all of those combined made our odds fairly good.  I have always wanted twins and I just had a feeling that this pregnancy was twins.  I took an online test the night before our first appointment and it had 15 questions and I think like 12 of them we answered yes to, all indicating that it could be twins.  So when we had our appointment the next day, neither Mark nor I were too shocked when we saw two sacks and two heartbeats.  We were SO excited, and a little terrified, but more excited than anything.  I think you start running through scenarios in your head immediately when you find out news that you’re having twins – like are you going to sleep at all for the first few months and how do you breastfeed twins when it’s hard enough with one newborn – but despite all of that, we were so excited.  She told us told they were di/di twins, which I think stands for diamniotic and dichorionic, so they had they’re own sacks and own supplies and weren’t sharing anything, which was the safest kind of twins to have.

IMG_1020

IMG_1019IMG_1022

Still, even with this info, I was terrified to make it public knowledge.  I didn’t even want to tell his parents.  This was new for me because with our other two, we told everyone and anyone pretty much right away, but that just didn’t feel right to me this time, and I’m glad we didn’t. 

 

IMG_1484

Friday, May 23, 2014

To my Abbie Rose

IMG_7837 

My little pippers,

It's hard to believe you're already five years old.  These past years have flown by and it has been so fun to watch you grow into the little girl you are now.  I tell you all the time that you need to stop getting big and you scrunch up your face and flex your little muscles and grunt a lot and say, "I try Mommy, but I just can't stay little!"

IMG_7635IMG_7612IMG_7085

You are such a little girlie girl right now.  You love to go shopping with me and get so excited if I tell you you can pick something out.  You meticulously look around for the perfect dress or pair of shoes, touching everything you pass, but very obviously on the look out for something specific.  Your current love is long dresses that you can twirl in.  I bought you a long, yellow dress with flowers on it, and you would wear that every single day, all day and to bed if I let you.

IMG_7785IMG_7654IMG_7513

You love to do your own hair now.  You spray detangler in it and brush it all out pretty well.  You can pull it back by yourself into a pony tail and then place the barrettes on either side of your face to hold your fringe hair in place.  You love to wear stick on earrings and you smear chap stick all over your face frequently.   You almost always have a necklace or bracelet or both on before we leave the house.  You like to grab your purse every time we leave the house and you put your sunglasses on top of your head just like you see your daddy do.

 IMG_7596IMG_7679IMG_6951

You are such a loving little girl.  Often times I will be working and you'll come up to me while I'm sitting at my desk to give me a kiss and tell me you love me.  You are ALWAYS up for an adventure, and you love getting out of the house and doing just about anything.  You are able to make friends easily wherever you go and you are quite obviously a natural leader.  You love to be in charge and when you are around little ones your age, you are usually coordinating things and making sure everyone is involved.  I hope you never lose your fearlessness and your confidence.

IMG_7257IMG_7486IMG_7369

Sometimes you and Ben play so well together, and sometimes you fight like crazy.   You are usually happy as long as he’s going along with what you want him to do.  If not, you tend to try to force him to do what you want him to do and he’s getting to the point where he doesn’t like to be bossed around much.  You are all in to Barbie’s right now, and you love dressing them up.  You still like to do anything artsy and our kitchen table is usually a complete disaster with markers and paints and paper.

 IMG_7065IMG_7392IMG_7604

You are growing up so fast and I can’t believe you start kindergarten this year!  You are VERY excited about going to a new school and meeting your new teachers.  I wish I was as excited about it as you are.  If I could keep you this age forever, I would.

 IMG_7628IMG_7467IMG_7130

I love you more than you’ll ever know.

 IMG_7359

 

Love,

Your mama