Monday, November 21, 2011

More to think about.

My appointment on Thursday went fairly well.  She checked me and I’m not at all dilated, which I’m a little bummed about.    By 36 weeks with Abbie, I was 4.5cm dilated.  The midwife told me that they’re not going to force me to do anything.  That they’ll give me my options with the risks and benefits of each option and they’ll make it known what they would prefer me to do, but ultimately, the decision is mine.  Good to know.
Saturday I had my third glucose test, and I failed it.  I passed my fasting test.  My 1 hr was 170 out of 180, my 2 hr was 165 out of 155 (failed) and my 3 hr was 142 out of 140 (failed).  So I’m not a “full blown” diabetic since my number were close, but they have diagnosed me with gestational diabetes at 36 weeks and now I have to start in with the finger pricks to monitor my blood sugar and they’re going to try to have me control it with diet and exercise, I think.
Honestly, I feel guilty about this whole GD thing.  I feel like I have it because I was overweight to begin with and if I was athletic and in super good shape, I wouldn’t have GD issues.  I’ve had to go this whole weekend without really knowing what I can and can’t eat and it’s made me paranoid to eat pretty much anything.  I always feel hungry, but I don’t want to eat a lot because I’m afraid it’s going to raise my blood sugar, which in turn, raises baby boy’s.  I know I’m supposed to avoid carbs, so I’ve been reading labels like a mad woman and EVERYTHING has carbs in it.  I know I’m supposed to eat the good carbs vs the bad carbs, but besides knowing sugar is a bad carb and whole wheat is a good carb, I don’t really know what that means.
Tomorrow I need to go in for another NST and fluid check and they’re going to show me how to use the finger poker and give me all of that stuff, and then I’ll have to make an appointment with a nutritionist to figure out this diet, but I probably won’t be able to do that until Tuesday at the earliest.  It’s great having to go on a diet RIGHT before Thanksgiving….  I’m frustrated and angry, to say the least.  And I’m worried that I’ve really had GD this whole time and for some reason was just passing the tests and I want to know what that’s done to baby boy in the meantime.  I have a lot of questions and I’ve had a lot of time to dwell on them over the weekend, which isn’t good.
And because I am officially a gestational diabetic now, they’re going to treat my delivery differently also.  As I said before, because of my GD, they now lower the maximum birth weight to 4500g, which is 9.92lbs – almost Abbie’s exact birth weight.  So if he’s measuring over 9.9lbs according to an ultrasound (which can be up to 20% off, easily), they’re going to recommend I have a c-section.  It’s easy for my first reaction to be to dig my heels in about that and say no way, I’m not having a c-section, but it’s much more complicated than that.
We had a squadron dinner the other night, and I managed to corner the flight doctor, who has experience delivering babies, and ask him a TON of questions.  His whole take on my situation was that doctors would prefer to do a c-section because it’s a very controlled situation.  Since shoulder dystocia is a known problem with macrosomia (large babies), you have to weigh the risks and benefits, and the bottom line is that delivering a large baby can be risky.  It’s not always, but sometimes it is, and how much am I willing to risk?  His take, partially because he’s a doctor and partially because he’s a guy, I’m sure, was, as long as I take home a healthy baby, why does it matter so much how I deliver him?  I told him I’d like to have one or two more kids (maybe) and that I know c-sections have their own risks involved also and how that could affect my future pregnancies.  He said they were valid concerns and something to think about.  I should also add that the hospital on base is very small.  They don’t have a NICU and they only have room for 3 people in labor at once and the ONLY thing they do at the hospital is deliver babies.  So that also needs to be factored in.  I have no doubt in the base doctors capabilities, but they have very limited resources to work with.
So basically I have to decide what I’m more comfortable with.  Since we don’t have any absolute positives, besides the fact that I’m having a baby, everything I have to make my decision is going off of guestimates, which makes this REALLY hard and is causing me to lose quite a bit of sleep.  I could just agree to having a c-section, have a major operation, with a longer recovery time and possible complications later on with future pregnancies, but most likely baby boy would be fine.  Or I could say I at least want a trial of labor, which could end one of two ways.  One, everything goes fine without complications or two, he does get shoulder dystocia, which could end very, very badly.  So what do I choose?  Something that I want to do, that could potentially be life threatening to him, or something that I don’t want to do and might not be necessary at all?  How do you make these kinds of decisions when it could literally be the difference between life and death and all you have to deal with are the “what if’s”?  Can someone else just make this decision for me?
I’m hoping and praying that I’ll go in to labor on my own before the date that they would induce me and then the choice won’t be mine anyway.  That would be the ideal situation, except for the whole trying to figure out what to do with Abbie last minute, but hopefully we’ll be able to deal with that when the time comes, if the time comes.  I’m just ready for it to be mid-December and have the birth and all these decisions and unknowns behind us.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry! I failed my glucose test too when I was pregnant too (and I was devastated). Try not to beat yourself up! I was small, young, and healthy (none of the "predictors" don't worry about it being because you weren't fit enough). It just happens sometimes.
I hope it gets better!

Em said...

Darn! No more popcorn and chocolate chips! (I remember that snack from when we visited in Phoenix)

You said it exactly, right, Monica. You have to do what you're most comfortable with. I know what I would decide in your situation, but that's based on my own beliefs, history AND all the information regarding pregnancy and birth that I've read. So my only suggestion: read, read, read! Whenever you can sneak in, just do as much research as you can.

Amanda said...

I don't know much about babies, but I don't think you should be beating yourself up over the glucose stuff. That happens. I can't imagine making the other decision though. You just have to decide what is right for you AND little man. But good luck!

Rachel said...

Ahhh so much to think about! I don't envy u having to make all these decisions, but i also know that u are very good at dealing with tough stuff, figuring stuff out, and making decisions, so u will get there!!! ALso just have to throw in there also that the last person knew who had GD ran a marathon while pregnant, and is, and always was, tiny, so i really don't think it has anything to do with it! <3 !! hugs

Elsbit said...

As a person who has been in your EXACT same position I know how you are feeling. Honestly, this is a decision you, your husband and doctors have to decide. It is easy for others to say what they would do, but having never actually been in that position it isn't as simple as it appears. I understand your dilema. Whatever you decide to do I support and just know you will have a wonderful little one as an end result. :)
As an aside, are they having you meet with a nutritionist? That would clear up your confusion on the diet. Or if you are still having questions you can email me again. I still have my gd folder and info from my nutrionist/dietician.

Jessica Lynn said...

Monica, I'm so sorry you're so stressed! It's a bummer they didn't tell you what foods you can/can't eat before you left; I'm sure that's not helping the frustration at all. Let me know if you need anything...I know we're far, but we can always watch Abbie if you need us to!