....and I am writing a blog. I've got to be nuts. I'm really going to be feeling this in a few hours...
Actually I've been up since before 3am. Today is the tanker ride and we have to be on base by 5:20am and our friend Lynn is coming at 5am (bless her heart) to watch Abbie. I had plans to get up at 4am to get myself ready and then nurse Abbie and get her back to bed before Lynn got here. Abbie, however, had different plans. She was up at 2:50am, and wouldn't go back to sleep so I finally nursed her at 3:10am and had her back in bed before 4am. And then I got ready and now I'm too keyed up to sleep and Lynn will be here in 20 mins or less anyway. I'm nervous about leaving Abbie for some reason. This will be the longest I've been away from her and Lynn's never watched her before or been around her much so I'm just nervous. Plus Lynn mentioned sleeping on the couch with Abbie since she has to be here so early and I'm ALL nervous about that since I've heard horror stories of babies suffocating that way. I trust Lynn, it's just hard to leave her. I'll probably be away from her for 7 hours.
Abbie has really been giving me a run for my money lately. The kid just doesn't like to sleep. The past 2 days she hasn't taken good naps at all, and then she gets overtired and fights sleep even more than normal. She'll sleep maybe 30 mins in the morning (instead of her usual 2-4 hour nap) and then she only sleeps in the afternoon if I lay down with her. Yesterday I nursed her to sleep and then held her for 20 more mins hoping that she was really asleep but as soon as I laid her in her crib she was awake and crying. I let her lay there for 25 mins hoping she'd just go back to sleep, but her crying escalated into screaming so I got her out of her crib. Finally around 5:45pm I nursed her to sleep again and then she slept until 8pm. She would have slept longer but I wanted her to go to bed when we did so I got her up. There was one week where she slept from 10pm til at least 6am for like 4 nights in a row. Got my hopes all up that she was going to start sleeping better, but it didn't last. I was pretty bummed. Mark thinks we just need to let her cry and learn to put herself to sleep, but I just don't know. Part of me is willing to try anything at this point, but I have a really hard time listening to her cry and that little thing is persistant!
Yesterday I went off on Mark, mainly due to my lack of sleep and crazy hormones. We were talking about how he sleeps through anything and everything at night and he's always saying he has a good circadian rhythm and how he needs his sleep for his job, and I lost it. I get so tired of hearing how important his sleep is and how he needs to be well rested for his job. I realize that there is a lot of truth to that - you just can't fly fighter jets with little sleep, so I know he needs his sleep. I just wish that my sleep was as important as his. He's been sleeping well for the past 3 months and I haven't been sleeping well since 2 months before she was born (so about 5 months). I'm always the one to get up with her at night and lately she's been awake for like 2 hours at night, and then not taking naps, so then I deal with a cranky baby all day which really wears on my nerves. It was just a bad night for me and I felt bad for going off on him and he felt bad for making it sound like his job was more important. I just can't wait until she's sleeping better... I hope it's soon.
"Mark thinks we just need to let her cry and learn to put herself to sleep, but I just don't know."
Monica, she's THREE MONTHS OLD! She hasn't even been OUT as long as she was IN yet! Letting her cry is not doing her any favors. She's not learning to put herself to sleep, she's learning that when she cries and cries, you won't come for her. Now, if you're comfortable with letting her cry it out a bit, fine, do what works, but you're not going to leave her there, crying, for 30 minutes! It's not like you're going to get any more sleep if you leave her in her crib crying because you won't be sleeping. You'll be lying there listening to her cry.
We've been having another rough patch, lately, too. We'll work through it. Not all babies have the same personality. Some just need more contact than others. I know that by meeting Sierra's needs now, she'll be a more secure and confident kiddo later.
Call if you want to chat. I completely understand your frustration. A few nights ago, I just COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Sierra had been having a spell where I would put her down, and an hour later, she would be up again, then an hour after that, then I finally went to bed and brought her with me. Anyway, Jason was away, I let her cry for almost a half hour and when I finally went to get her, she had these big ol' tears in her eyes and she was sobbing and I felt so bad. I rocked her and snuggled her and said I was sorry. Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out (WHY, OH, WHY can't my child sleep on her own?!?!) but I love her, darnit, and eventually she'll figure it out. And eventually she won't sleep next to me. And I'll miss it.
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