Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Taking it all in


The next day Mark and I went in for an ultrasound to confirm that baby B wasn’t alive.  I knew it wasn’t, but I still felt like I was going to throw up as I was waiting to be called back.  I’m glad Mark was able to leave work to come with me.  His co-workers were understanding and they all hurried to finish building the schedule so Mark could leave to get to our appointment.  The u/s tech asked me why we were there for a scan, I think mainly to know if we actually knew why, not because she needed to know.  She confirmed that baby B didn’t have a heartbeat and after that anticipation of hear it again was over, I was okay.

I think the hardest thing for me to get over was the fact that we weren’t having twins anymore.  It was difficult to change my mindset from 2 to 1 and I think that’s what I was mostly upset over.  At 10 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t super attached to the babies yet, more the idea of having twins.  Yes, it totally sucked losing baby B and I was/am sad, but I’m not one of those that dwells on it for weeks/months/years and I just trust God’s plan with it all I guess.  I figure that baby B wasn’t completely healthy and I would much rather lose a baby at 10 weeks pregnant than like my parents did and lose one when they’re 10 months old.

The next week I had the nuchal translucency ultrasound to scan for downs syndrome and other chromosomal disorders and baby A was still doing well and moving around like crazy again so that was reassuring.  Not reassuring enough for me to make this pregnancy blog/ FB official yet, but it was still reassuring.


1 comment:

Alison T. said...

It's crazy how mother's intuition kicks in so early. With my loss, I remember waiting for my follow-up with the specialist and I just knew it was not good news. :( HUGS!!!