Monday, May 31, 2010

Holding down the fort

As some of you know, Mark’s been gone for a week.  He couldn’t tell me where he’s going, and he’ll be gone for another week and a half or so.
Last time he left for a few weeks, I cried for 2 months before he left every time I thought about him leaving.  This time I didn’t cry at all, before he left, or even when he left, which was a huge “improvement” for me.
I wish I could say I was one of those women who did just fine when their spouses are away, but that would be a lie.  I do okay, mainly because now especially with Abbie, I don’t have a choice.  But I miss him so much it physically hurts most days.  When Abbie is easy to deal with and I get out of the house, I do pretty well.  But days where Abbie is fussy and doesn’t nap or sleep well and I have to deal with everything on my own, sometimes I melt down.
Today was a fairly good day.  A friend came over and watched Abbie for me today so I could do some unpacking and I got more done in the few hours she was here than I have in the past week combined.  It was pretty nice.
Tonight Abbie and I were in the living room.  Mark does this thing with Abbie where he’ll put pillows on the floor and then lay on the floor and pretend he’s sleeping and Abbie will climb all over him and then lay down next to him.  Well Abbie pulled a few pillows off the couch tonight and then laid her head on them and said “dada” like 3 times in between all her giggling.  I sat there and cried.  I know she misses her daddy.  She FREAKS out when I go out of her sight, so I think she’s afraid I’m going to disappear too like her daddy did.  It’s so hard when they’re this age because she knows her daddy isn’t here and that something’s different, but she doesn’t know why and you can’t explain it to her.
I really cannot wait for Mark to get home.  I miss him more than words can describe, and so does his daughter.

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